


the circle game

by mistymemories



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Harry Potter Has a Happy Childhood, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Sirius Black, POV Third Person, Raising Harry Potter, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, wolfstar, wolfstar raising Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28166211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistymemories/pseuds/mistymemories
Summary: Sirius is ready to self-destruct after losing everything, but Remus is there to ground him, giving him a second chance.Harry gets a happy childhood, while Remus and Sirius figure out how to parent, and how they feel about each other.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 84





	1. Halloween 1981

If Remus hadn’t been there, Sirius probably would have killed Peter. Or at least tried to. It was pure chance that he had been there at all, actually. Remus had stopped by, unexpectedly, to tell Sirius about some chatter he’d been hearing about Greyback. Sirius had been nervous to see him so out of the blue, but chose to ignore the terrible voice of suspicion that seemed inescapable these days, and let him in. He was glad he had. He’d forgotten what it had been like, the easy conversations with his old friend. They’d started talking, and then reminiscing, thinking back to the days before the war had taken over their lives. They’d been laughing. He still couldn’t comprehend that. He’d been laughing, he’d been enjoying himself when he found out his best friend was dead. 

“I have to find him.” It was the only thing he could think to say or do. Everything was blurry, the room was spinning. He nearly forgot about the other man in the room until he heard his small voice.

“I thought, well you told me...I thought you were the secret keeper,” Remus sounded hollow, and far away.

“I changed it,” Sirius said, his voice cracking. “I told them, I said no one would suspect Peter, it would be safer. I convinced them, they didn’t...they didn’t want to.” Sirius grabbed onto the table for support. He felt Remus’s hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone. I thought it would protect them.” Sirius’ vision blurred. He had spent days telling Lily and James Peter would be a better secret keeper. They’d been so hesitant, but he’d been so adamant. “Please trust me Moony. You know I could never, you know me, Moony.” He looked up at Remus, tears in his eyes.

“I believe you.” Remus’s face was unreadable.

“I have to find him,” Sirius said. “I have to kill him. The rat.” 

“You have to sit down and have some water,” Remus said, guiding him to a chair. “And then we have to go get Harry.”

Sirius let out a sob. He had nearly forgotten Harry was his responsibility. Honestly, he’d nearly forgotten about Harry. He could only think about Peter, and the many ways he planned on taking revenge on the vermin.

“But Peter–”

“Sirius, Harry is our first priority,” Remus said sternly. “If Peter knows what's good for him he’ll be halfway across Britain by now. He knows we’ll be after him. Let’s take care of Harry first then we’ll figure out what to do about Peter.”

Sirius nodded, blinking back tears. Remus was probably right, as much as it pained him to admit it. Harry was probably alone in Godric’s Hollow. He would have to get Harry, then concern himself with the rat. He looked up at his friend. Remus was looking away from him. 

“You really believe me, don't you? I never would have, I mean, James is my best friend. And I–I told him it would be safer, for everyone, if Peter was...I never thought he was the spy.”

Remus was quiet for a moment. Sirius watched as Remus wiped his own tears away.

“I know you wouldn’t have,” Remus said quietly. “I didn’t suspect him either. If you say you weren’t the secret keeper, then I believe you. Let’s go get Harry and we’ll go from there.”

Sirius nodded. He wanted to say something, to apologize for not telling him sooner, to thank him for helping him, anything to make the pain that was absorbing his whole body go away, to connect with his friend. But Remus had turned away, and Sirius couldn’t find the words.

They decided to take Sirius’ motorbike to pick up Harry. Sirius had tried to indicate he could go alone, he didn’t want to force Remus into this, but Remus held firm. 

“I need to make sure Harry’s okay,” Remus said, stepping into the sidecar. “And I need to make sure you don’t do anything too rash.”

“When have I ever done anything rash?” Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius never could forget how he felt when he arrived in Godric’s Hollow that evening. It was there that the realization that his best friend, the one who had taken him in at his darkest moments, the first person he ever really considered to be family, was gone, finally hit him, the weight of it all becoming unbearable. It was a pain that he’d never known before, an indescribable agony. As the years went on, he was plagued with that memory, the loss he felt, the guilt he felt. He’d stay up for hours, unable to close his eyes for fear he’d be bombarded with the scene that greeted him that night. 

Remus gripped Sirius’ shoulder as they entered the home. Harry’s cries from upstairs were pure anguish. Without Remus there, Sirius thought he might have joined in with his godson’s tears. It felt unreal, like a bad dream, or a terrible hallucination. 

“Is that Hagrid?” Remus asked as they left the house, Harry in their arms. 

“Hagrid!” Sirius called. “What are you doing here?” Hagrid rushed over and pulled them into a fairly uncomfortable hug.

“Sirius, Remus,” Hagrid choked. “It’s just too terrible. James and Lily, gone, and little Harry! Oh, you poor kids.” Hagrid started sobbing. Sirius awkwardly patted his back.

“Why are you here Hagrid?” Sirius asked again, once Hagrid had calmed down a bit.

“Dumbledore sent me. Told me to pick up Harry and bring him to his Aunt’s house in Little Whinging.”

Sirius looked at Remus, feeling confused. Seeing the Hogwarts groundskeeper made this all feel like more of a foggy blur. And who was Harry’s Aunt? Where was Little Whinging? Nothing about this devastating day felt real to him.

“But I’m his godfather.” It was all Sirius could think to say.

“Sorry Sirius, Dumbledore’s orders. I’m to take Harry there immediately. He’s to live with them.”

“No.” Remus’ voice helped pull Sirius back into reality. “Sirius is Harry’s godfather. James and Lily wanted Harry to be raised by him if anything were to happen to them.”

“But Dumbledore-”

“Dumbledore is not in charge of what happens to Harry, Hagrid. Sirius is now. If Dumbledore takes issue with it, he’ll have to come and see him personally.” Sirius shot a grateful look at Remus. In that moment, he wasn’t entirely sure he had the mental energy to argue with anyone.

“We’ll be in my flat in London,” Sirius said, finding his voice at last. “Dumbledore can visit us there if he needs to discuss the matter further. Thank you for looking out for Harry.” Hagrid tried to argue, explaining that Dumbledore had tasked him specifically with taking Harry from his home, but Sirius, with a considerable amount of assistance from Remus, successfully put his foot down. They parted ways, promising Hagrid they’d speak to Dumbledore if necessary, and headed back to Sirius’ apartment, Harry nestled quietly in Remus' arms as they took to the skies.


	2. The Next Evening

Sirius hadn’t even set down his keys before he heard a knock at the door. Had Dumbledore really rushed over so quickly? He opened the door and was shocked to see a familiar face waiting outside.

“Professor?”  
“Hello Sirius,” Minerva McGonagall smiled at him wearily. “May I come in?” Sirius stepped aside to let his former teacher into his home. “Hello, Remus. Is that Harry in your arms?”

“Hello, Professor. He’s sleeping.”

“It’s nice to see you,” Sirius said. “Can I get you anything? Tea? A biscuit?”

“I’m quite alright, thank you. I need to talk to you boys before Albus gets here.” She sat down at Sirius’ table and motioned for the two men to do the same. “He wants Harry to live with his muggle aunt and uncle.”

“That’s what Hagrid said, but I don’t understand–” Sirius was cut off.

“He has his reasons,” McGonagall responded nervously. “But I’m not sure any reason is good enough. They’re the worst kinds of people. I spent all day watching them; they’re cruel and loud. They have a son about Harry’s age, and if Harry’s anything like his parents, I don't think he’d get along with that boy. He spent an hour, while his mother watched, chasing me around the garden, trying to pull my tail.” Despite everything, Sirius had to hold back a smile, imagining the stern professor as a cat running from a troublesome toddler.

“Lily and James would never have wanted Harry with Petunia,” Remus said. “She tried for years to reconnect with her and never succeeded. You remember how they were at James and Lily’s wedding, don't you?”  
Sirius did. Lily’s sister was married to an awful muggle, Vernon or something, who had sat through the ceremony mumbling obscenities and making remarks about “what a load of freaks” they all were, while Petunia snickered next to him. They had left before the vows were even exchanged, partially thanks to an excellent bat bogey hex Sirius discreetly sent their way.

“They hate magic,” Sirius said. “Lily always said their relationship was never the same once she went to Hogwarts. They wanted me to raise Harry if anything were to happen to them, and I won’t disrespect their memory by letting him live anywhere else.”

McGonagall nodded, evidently pleased by his response. The room paused as everyone considered the situation. 

“I’m so sorry,” McGonagall said, looking into Sirius’ eyes. “Both of you. I know how close you all were. I never thought–”

To Sirius’ relief, there was a knock at the door. He jumped up to answer it, giving him a moment to wipe the tears that had begun to fall from his eyes. He couldn’t let himself mourn, not yet.

“Sirius. I need to speak to you about Harry Potter.” Dumbledore stepped inside and seated himself at the table, not waiting for a response.

“He’s not going to be living with Petunia,” Sirius said firmly.

“Hello Minerva,” Dumbledore greeted his Hogwarts colleague. “I’m surprised you got here sooner than I did.” McGonagall gave no response.

“I’m Harry’s godfather,” Sirius said, louder this time, as to not be ignored. “I will choose what happens to him and how he is raised.”

“I respect that, Sirius, but you need to have the facts first,” Dumbledore responded calmly. “My best estimate for why Harry is alive is that Lily Potter died to protect her son. There’s a certain element of magic that comes with that sort of blood sacrifice. For her protection to continue, Harry would have to live with someone who shares his mother's blood. Otherwise, when Voldemort returns, and he will return, Harry will be in the same danger he was in tonight.”

Silence filled Sirius' small flat, besides Harry's slow, steady breathing, who laid in Remus’ arms asleep.

“How long do you think it'll be before Voldemort returns?” Sirius asked.

“It’s hard to say. The aurors are out now, collecting anyone suspected of involvement with Voldemort. Without his supporters, and in his weakened state, it could be years before he has the strength to return. But he will come back. And, after tonight, I think it’s safe to say that Harry will be the first person he goes after.”

Sirius locked eyes with Remus. Remus shook his head slowly so that it was imperceptible to anyone else at the table. Sirius nodded.

“He can’t live with them,” Sirius said. “I understand there’s intense magic involved, but I can’t let him live with those muggles. I’m Harry’s family. I’ll protect him better than anyone. Being in a home filled with love was always the most important thing to James and Lily, and Petunia won’t give him that. I couldn’t live with myself if there were even a possibility he was growing up in a family who didn’t care for him.”

Dumbledore nodded. “Then I must request that you give your home every protection possible. Perhaps moving out of the city, away from wizards. Keeping him from the wizarding world for as long as possible, away from the notoriety and the dangers is going to be what’s best. And then there’s the matter of the Fidelius Charm.” Sirius had momentarily forgotten that Peter was still out there, possibly hiding from his betrayal.

“We changed secret keepers,” he told Dumbledore. “I suggested it. I thought Peter could be trusted; I never imagined he would have betrayed them. I thought it would keep them safe. I was wrong.” The words stung him to say, to remember that it was his fault that his two closest friends were dead.

“Can anyone support this claim? James and Lily had assured me you were the one protecting them.”

Sirius felt his heart race. He had told no one. To ensure that no one aside from Peter, James, and Lily knew of the plan, that was the whole point. Peter had betrayed their trust, and now who knows where he would be, perhaps on the run, hoping that Sirius would get the blame and he could live a life far away. Could Dumbledore take him at his word?

“Well, the plan was to make sure no one really knew,” Sirius started. “We thought we could trust Peter, and–”

“James and Lily told me,” Remus interrupted. “Peter was the secret keeper. He must have also been the spy in the Order.”

Dumbledore nodded. Sirius felt too much in shock to say anything else. He tried to catch Remus’ eye, but he was looking straight ahead. 

“I’ll make sure the aurors are aware of this so that they can be on the lookout. I ask that you refrain from trying to find him yourself. Your duty is to Harry now. I implore you not to forget that.” Dumbledore rose to leave. “It’s up to you now to keep Harry Potter safe, Sirius. Don’t let us down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like these first chapters are just setting everything up for the story itself but pls let me know what you think! I have a few more written up so I'm going to try my best not to be a slow updater


	3. End of 1981

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus decide what the future holds.

The rest of the year was a depressing, terrifying blur. Life without James and Lily was something Sirius had never wanted to imagine, and now that it was a reality, he found himself unprepared for it. It turned out a baby needed a lot more attention and care than he’d realized, especially a baby who constantly woke up screaming out for parents that would never return.

He did decide to take Dumbledore’s advice and move out of the city into a small country cottage, a few miles away from a muggle village. To the best of his and Dumbledore’s knowledge, he was the only wizard household in the area. He desperately needed the separation.

As much as it pained him to admit it, Sirius couldn’t take care of Harry alone. Remus was the only person he felt he could turn to for help. However, after the funeral, Remus had been skillfully avoiding Sirius’ letters and calls. He’d helped out with Harry the first week, then disappeared. Honestly, Sirius didn’t blame him. He knew he’d betrayed Remus’ trust by not telling him of the change in Secret-Keeper. 

After a few weeks alone with Harry, he knew he needed to help. He took his motorbike (should toddlers really even go on a motorbike?) and went to Lupin’s to beg for some much-needed guidance.

Sirius waited a full five minutes waiting at the door until Remus finally came to let him in.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”  
“Can I come in?”

Remus moved to let Sirius and Harry enter.

“Do you want some tea or something?” Sirius shook his head. Remus motioned for the two of them to sit at their table. Harry was in a baby carrier tied around Sirius’ chest that he'd retrieved from Godric’s Hollow, happily taking in the new surroundings. 

“I’ve been calling you, I sent you a few owls, I’m not sure if you got them,” Sirius started. Remus had an unreadable expression.

“I got them.”

“Oh,” he paused. So he was right, Remus was upset with him. He wasn’t too surprised, the ignored phone calls had indicated that much. “Well, I guess I have some explaining to do.”

“Alright.” Remus looked at Sirius, looking exhausted. Sirius took a deep breath. He might as well admit the thing that had been causing him such pain.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Remus. There was a part of me that, well, that thought that you were the spy. You were gone for such long periods of time, and everything you were doing was so secretive. I never knew who to trust. I thought it would make the most sense to let people believe I was the secret-keeper, thinking I’d rather put myself in danger, but then have the actual secret-keeper be Peter. I figured no one would suspect him, no one would suspect that James and Lily would have trusted him enough. But Remus, I never wanted to hurt you. I just was trying to keep them safe. And I failed.”

Remus was quiet for a moment. Sirius desperately tried to search his face for answers. But, like it nearly always was, his emotions were unreadable. Finally, when Sirius thought he couldn’t take the silence anymore, Remus spoke.

“Has anyone seen Peter since?”

“No,” Sirius shook his head. “He was seen in Diagon Alley the next day, according to the  _ Prophet _ , but then once word got out he was under suspicion of being Death Eater-adjacent he hasn't been seen. I told Dumbledore that Peter was an animagus. Didn’t let on how I knew, of course, but he let the aurors know. But it’s nearly impossible to find one rat in all of England if he’s even still in the country. I keep wanting to go after him, to try to find him, but then Harry will cry and remind me of his existence.”

Remus gave a sad grin. “I believe that you weren’t the secret keeper,” he started, slowly. “I didn’t, that first night, with everything, I wasn’t sure. But I wanted to make sure Harry was okay, so I focused on that. And, I thought maybe you would go after Peter, to silence him.”

“Remus, I-”

“But then you took in Harry, and you stood up to let him stay with you. And you didn’t leave your house until the funeral, so I figured you couldn’t have been the reason Peter’s gone missing.”

“I’m not, Remus, honestly, I was as betrayed as you were.”

“No,” Remus said quietly. “You weren’t. Did it ever occur to you to tell me? Did you ever think about what could have happened? Say I wasn’t there that night, what would you have done? Gone after Peter? Killed him? If you’d killed him, wouldn’t that have just further implicated you as the spy? And you’d have gone to Azkaban. And where would that have left me? You would have left me without James, without Lily, without you. And what about Harry? No one would have let me take him in, they wouldn’t trust ‘the boy who lived’ with a werewolf. He’d have been sent to his awful aunt, and he never would have been able to know you. And I’d have never known if you were innocent or not. I just, I can’t understand why you didn’t trust me. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure out what was the moment that it changed. You’re my best friend Sirius. You’ve always been my best friend. I’ve always trusted you, confided in you. You know all my worst secrets. It just broke my heart, to find out that you didn’t feel the same friendship I always have.”

“I really don’t know what to say,” Sirius started, his voice catching on the tears that were welling up inside him. “I don’t know what I was thinking, through any of it. I was just scared, and stupid. I thought I was doing what was right, what would keep them safe. I wasn’t thinking about anything else. I’ll never forgive myself for not trusting you, Remus. You’ve been nothing but a friend to me my whole life.”

“You can be very careless.” Sirius nodded. It used to be endearing, his reckless behavior. Now it had led to the biggest tragedy of his young life.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Remus sighed. He took a moment to compose himself, seemingly feeling some sort of relief after his admonition of Sirius’ lack of trust. “You can’t be careless about Harry,” he told him. “You’re going to want some help, aren’t you?”

Sirius allowed himself to smile. “You have no idea. I slept four hours in total last week. I can’t do this, alone Remus. I desperately need you.”

“Never thought I’d hear those words coming from you,” Remus said, a hint of a grin appearing on his face. Sirius chuckled.

“We moved out near the sea,” Sirius told him. “There’s an extra bedroom and a lot of land, and far away enough from people. I want to do right by Harry. I just don’t know if I can do it alone.”

“Sirius, I learned a long time ago that if you put your mind to something, you can achieve it without anyone else's help,” Remus said. “That being said, I’ll help you.”

Sirius released a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Remus. I can’t tell you what it means to me. I really need my friend.”

Remus gave a sad smile. Sirius could tell he was still hurt, but he vowed that he’d do whatever it took to make up for the pain he’d caused him. Remus was all he and Harry had left, and, he realized, they were all Remus had left.

As he got up to leave, after they made plans for Remus’ moving in, Sirius decided to ask the question that had been bugging him over the past few weeks.

“Why did you lie?” Sirius asked.

“What? When?”

“To Dumbledore. You told him you knew I was the secret keeper.”

Remus looked up at Sirius, with those sad, tired eyes. “I just didn’t want to lose you that night too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I decided to take things in a different direction than originally planned so I will probably be even worse about updating but i hope it's being enjoyed by someone so far! thank you for everyone reading it so far it makes me happy to see it!


	4. Beginning of 1982

It took some adjusting, but eventually, Sirius and Remus got into an easy routine, finding a rhythm to their daily activities. Sirius could still sense some anger on Remus’ part, and Sirius certainly felt a lot of shame, but there seemed to be some level of forgiveness that allowed them to live with each other. It helped that Sirius was an expert at avoiding difficult conversations and that nearly all of his spare time was dedicated to caring for Harry, which, even with Remus’ help, was no easy task.

Remus had taken charge of household things; grocery shopping, cooking, tidying up. Sirius was in charge of Harry, and the many tasks that came with that. This responsibility was new to him. He was surprised by how much he was enjoying it. Before, his days had no purpose. Now, when he woke up in the morning, he knew he had to make sure Harry was fed, changed, entertained. His days were filled with something. He found the routine to be strangely calming. Focusing his attention on Harry ensured that his thoughts couldn’t meander elsewhere, he was able to prevent the grief that he felt from becoming all-consuming and inescapable.

They tried not to use magic, except maybe to clean Harry’s toys or some basic kitchen tasks. Sirius had been feeling a certain repulsion towards magic since James and Lily’s death, that Remus had quickly picked up on, or maybe he was feeling it too. There was a certain sense of freedom that came from doing things the muggle way, there was an undefined pressure that had lifted once he had made the decision to limit his magical usage. Of course, some magic had to be used to manage Remus’ full moons. Their property had a lot of land, but Remus preferred apparating to far off places for his transformations. When he returned the next morning, Sirius had both magical and muggle first-aid prepared to help whatever new injury he came home with. It certainly wasn’t an ideal setup, but it worked.

Having Remus there, another adult to talk to, made life even better, and everything became far more manageable. Sometimes, it almost felt like old times, before the dark memories resurfaced, reminding him exactly why they were there. But he’d been forced to resign himself to his new reality, and was, somehow, making the best of it. The three of them would go for walks to the sea, have meals together, play games. When Harry went to sleep Sirius and Remus would stay up and watch a movie, sitting in silence, but enjoying the company. He felt a degree of comfort and calm, that he hadn’t known since he left Hogwarts.

Perhaps this was why he felt so thrown when, on one afternoon in March, Remus informed Sirius that he was going to be looking for a job. It took him a minute to process the statement, largely because, at that same moment, Harry decided to throw his breakfast across the table. Once he’d gotten it cleaned up, he turned to his roommate.

“Why would you want to do that?”

  
“Well, I’d like to make some money,” Remus said, handing him a cup of coffee. “And if we’re going to live near muggles, and act like them, I might as well commit to it fully.”

“You have money,” Sirius said, after taking a long, much-needed sip of the hot drink. “Anything that’s mine is yours, you know that.” Sirius thought this went without saying. He hated being the heir to the Black family name, but the fortune that came with it allowed him, and anyone else he chose, to live in comfort for as long as he wanted, regardless of their job status.

“I know,” Remus responded. He seemed to be avoiding Sirius’ gaze. “I just think I’d like some of my own. And it would be good for me to go out and do something. Especially once Harry gets a bit older, he won’t need the two of us around all the time. I want to feel useful.”

  
“You are useful. You bring me coffee. There’s nothing more useful than that.”

“You know what I mean,” Remus said. “I want to be able to have my own source of income. I just need to feel like I’m doing more than being the housekeeper.”

“No one here thinks you’re the housekeeper,” Sirius told him, a bit shocked. “I didn’t realize you were unhappy.”

“I’m not unhappy. Not at all. I just need to have something else. You have Harry. You have a clear purpose, you’re productive. I don’t want to get into a routine where I’m not making some sort of personal impact. But really, I just don’t want to have to depend on another person financially. I don’t want to be indebted to anyone. You can understand that.”

“I get that,” Sirius said softly. “But you being here, helping me, that’s every penny I have. I couldn’t do this on my own. If anything, I’m indebted to you. I asked you to come here. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“You would have been fine,” Remus smiled. “And I would have been happy to help with Harry even if you didn’t ask me. I just want to be able to do something for myself, keep busy outside of the house. Nothing crazy. Just getting a job someplace in town, a restaurant or cafe, or something part-time so I can work around my full moon schedule. And it really might do us some good to blend in with the muggles, meet some people in the town.”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll blend in perfectly,” Sirius said sarcastically. “Two twenty-two-year-old men raising an infant in a secluded seas-side cottage surely won’t make us stand out at all.”

“That’s the spirit,” Remus said with a smile. Sirius sighed. 

“If that’s what you want, obviously I support you. I just don’t want you to think that you have to do this for some reason.”

“I do want this. Really. I think it will be good for me, and for all of us, to have some sort of outlet outside of the home. And for Harry too, if we meet people in town we can introduce him to people who aren’t us, get him used to that idea.”

“That all makes sense,” Sirius said. “Try to work at the restaurant we got take away from last Tuesday. Maybe we can get a discount.”

Remus laughed. Sirius' heart skipped a beat. Remus’ laugh had been rare these past few months. He really missed that sound of joy coming from his friend. He realized he also missed his friend. Things just hadn’t been the same since the war, since Remus had found out about the secret keeper switch. Sirius was terrified that the underlying tension would bubble over to the surface one day without warning.

“We’re okay, right?”

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, sounding confused.

“I mean, I know things have been a little tense since we’ve moved in and everything,” Sirius started. “But me and you, we’re still friends? I know I hurt you and I know you felt betrayed, but I–”

“Sirius,” Remus interrupted. “Of course we’re still friends. Do you think I’d have moved in with you if we weren’t? We discussed all that, remember? It’s behind us. We’re all we’ve got left now, aren’t we? Let’s just agree to trust each other here on out.”

Sirius felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Works for me,” he grinned. “I missed you Moony.” Remus smiled warmly. 

“Same here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy not 2020! let me know what everyone's thoughts are, I am considering skipping ahead a few years in the next chapters but we'll see! thanks for reading :)


	5. Harry and Sirius Go to School

The days are long, and the years are short. That was a phrase Sirius loved to share, usually leading Remus to throw whatever was closest at him from across the room, much to Harry’s amusement. But he was right. Before any of them knew it, Harry was five and was slowly growing up into a little mini-James, another one of Sirius’ favorite expressions. 

Muggle schooling had been Remus’ suggestion, of course. It took a lot of convincing, from both Harry and Remus that it would be a good thing before Sirius finally relented. He supposed there wasn’t any harm in sending Harry to a muggle school, where no one knew him, and it was probably good for him to meet people his own age, as great as Sirius and Remus were. 

“God-Fatherhood has made you soft,” Remus remarked, when he came home from work the night before Harry’s first day of school to find Sirius looking through Harry’s baby book with a glass of wine, alone.

“Look how small he was,” Sirius said, pointing to a photo of Harry on a toy broom. “Now he’s going to school, and then he’ll be off to Hogwarts, and then it’ll be like we never even existed.”

“Oh, come on, like anyone could ever forget you.” Remus poured himself a glass and sat down next to him.

“How was work?” Sirius closed the book and tried to discreetly wipe a tear from his eyes. Remus was right, he had grown soft. 

“Fine. Fairly busy for a Sunday, actually. I keep serving this same woman who’s been on like four first dates there over the past six weeks, but it doesn’t look like any of them are sticking. It’s been quite funny to watch actually. What did you get up to tonight?”

“You mean besides thinking about how fast time goes and how old I’m getting? Not much. Harry’s so excited to start school tomorrow, he went to bed early for the first time in his life. I’m a bit worried though. I don’t see why I can’t homeschool him until Hogwarts.”

“Sirius, we’ve been over this,” Remus sighed. “You haven’t taken a formal math class in fourteen years. And Harry needs to meet kids his own age, or else he’ll never be able to adapt when he goes to Hogwarts. It’s not as though we use magic enough around here that he’ll blabber on about it or have to adjust to muggle life. Plus, I think it’ll be good for you, to have some time for yourself, maybe to get out of the house a bit more.”

Sirius gave a noise of indignation. “I do leave the house!”

“I just mean to spend some time with someone who isn’t me and who isn’t Harry,” Remus replied kindly. “The muggles in town are really great, you might like to get involved a little bit.” Sirius frowned. It was true that he had devoted most of his time to Harry over the past few years, but that was his responsibility. Up until Harry, responsibilities were something Sirius had never bothered dealing with, but when it came to James’ son, he felt he had to do right by him. He didn’t have time now to go out and meet people when he had Harry to think about. Remus had a small group of friends, fellow waiters at the restaurant he worked at in town, who he got together with once a month for drinks. Sirius was always invited, Remus always trying to convince him to get a babysitter for Harry so that Sirius could “spend some time with grown-ups” but he always declined. He just didn’t trust anyone to look over Harry beside himself or Moony. That might explain exactly why it had taken so long to convince him to let Harry go to school. There was a constant underlying fear of who might be lurking in the shadows, looking to bring harm to his godson.

Sirius never really slept well, but that night stayed up, unable to turn off his worrying mind, apprehensive to what the next day would bring. Remus could tell, Remus could always tell, and made Sirius’ coffee extra strong that morning. Sirius appreciated it.

The car had, surprisingly, been Sirius’ idea. It was a sensible investment, he had explained. They needed to get places, and since they were living with muggles and acting like muggles, they should travel like muggles. He still wouldn’t part with his motorbike, much to Remus’ dismay, but he’d come to the realization that it wasn’t a suitable mode of transport for a toddler.

“What’s that, around your neck?” Remus asked, motioning to the comically large contraption that was resting against Sirius’ chest.

“A camera! I bought it last week. It’s much more high tech than our old one. I thought Harry’s first day of school would be chock full of picture-perfect moments.” Remus and Harry both groaned.

“Moony tell him not to take photos at school,” Harry begged. “I don’t want to have to say cheese all day.”

“You heard him Sirius, no photos.”

“You two are no fun,” Sirius said, pulling into the parking lot. “At least let me take one of you with your new backpack in front of your classroom.” Harry gave a sigh, making Remus laugh.

Sirius won, in the end, but to Harry’s relief, he wasn’t the only person taking photos of the first day of school. It seemed as though half the parents were as sentimental as Sirius, while the other half shook their heads in embarrassment, like Remus.

Harry’s new teacher, Mrs. Rudolph, was an elderly woman who had been at the school for forty years. Sirius interrogated her about her qualifications, the class schedule, and safety precautions before he was kindly asked to make room for some of the other parents to get a word in. He was resigned to taking photos from the corner of the room, next to some other worried parents.

“I’m so nervous,” a blonde-haired woman near him confided in him, unprompted. “Are you nervous? My daughter, Leila, she’s never gone to school before. I’m a stay-at-home mom, I don’t know what I’m going to do without her there. I mean, I’m sure there are a thousand chores I’ll find, but it just won’t be the same without her, you know?”

Sirius nodded. “I know, it’s going to be so different without him around the house all day.”

“That’s my Leila, she’s in the purple sweater. Which is your son?”

“My godson, Harry, he’s the one with the glasses near the coloring station.”

“Oh, he’s too cute. Don’t you just love them at this age? They’re so sweet and smart, I just love listening to her talk. We should set up a play date! If they get along, of course, you know, you don’t want to force friendships but sometimes kids need a little push, you know? I’m Gillian Carter, by the way. Gill for short.”

“Sirius,” he responded, shaking her hand. 

“Is your wife here? We can make it an adult/kid play date, meaning I’d serve both brie and pizza rolls.” She let out a laugh.

“Uh, no I’m not married,” Sirius told her.

“I’m not either!” She said, clasping her hands together. Goodness, Gill certainly was enthusiastic. “Well, I used to be, but it didn’t work out. But that will be great! Being a single parent is so hard, isn’t it?”

“Well, my friend, Remus, he’s basically my co-parent,” Sirius told her. He motioned to Remus, who had been watching the interaction from across the room with mild interest. Remus gave a little wave.

“Oh, that’s so great. It takes a village doesn’t it?” She laughed again. 

Mrs. Rudolph informed the parents and guardians it was time for goodbyes. Harry permitted Sirius and Remus to give him a hug, before rushing over to talk to some of the other students. 

“See, he’ll be fine,” Remus said, as they walked to the car. “If he’s anything like James he’ll have befriended the whole class by noon.” Sirius smiled, remembering how eager James had been to make friends that first year of Hogwarts, and how easy it was for him to get along with almost everyone.

“So,” Sirius said, turning on the car. “What now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I decided to skip a few years because I thought it would be fun to see Harry go off to muggle school and have Sirius deal with some free time! Thanks all who have been reading! sorry this chapter took a bit to update I kept going back and forth between how I wanted to move forward.


	6. Meeting Muggles

To no one’s surprise, Harry loved school. Remus was right, he had made friends with ease, and couldn’t wait to go back the next day.

“Mrs. Rudolph said that soon we’re going to be able to start reading, all by ourselves,” Harry told Sirius and Remus when they picked him up from school that day. “And then you guys won’t even have to read to me anymore, I can do it on my own. And also, my friend Kyle, he said he knows how to ride a bike without any training wheels. I told him I biked all the time, but I think I need to take off the training wheels pretty soon, I said, if Kyle can do it, so can I. And my other friend, Leila, she showed me how to make these bracelets with string from the craft corner, and it was so cool.”

“That sounds awesome buddy,” Remus said. “I’m so glad you had such a good first day.”

“It was so fun,” Harry told him as they walked to the car. As Remus helped Harry buckle up, Sirius felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hi there, remember me?” Gillian Carter, the talkative mother from that morning with her daughter Leila in tow, gave a bright smile to Sirius.

“Hi Gillian,” Sirius said warmly. “Hi Leila, how was your first day at school?”  
“It was good,” Leila said shyly. She waved at Harry who gave a big grin back.

“Leila told me that she and Harry got along so well,” Gillian said. “And I decided that was a sign that a playdate should be in their future. I wanted to give you my number, give me a call and maybe you and Harry can come over sometime this weekend? Does that sound fun Harry?”

“Wow, can we Sirius?” Harry asked, excited. He had never gone over to a friend's house before.

“I don’t see why not,” Sirius said. He never could say no to Harry.

“Great, here’s my number, call me sometime today or tomorrow, and we can set it up. And Remus, of course, you’re invited as well. I don’t see why the adults shouldn’t have some fun too!” Remus smiled politely, and they promised to call soon.

“She’s quite friendly,” Remus said, once they were driving home. Sirius murmured in agreement. She was a bit too friendly, in his opinion, a bit too talkative. He hoped Remus would come along, for fear of being stuck in an extensive conversation with her.

“So what did you and Moony do today, Padfoot?” Harry asked.

“Oh, we just sat around, waiting for you to come home. I wept, missing you, and Moony just laid on the couch in agony, unable to bear the house without your presence.”

“You’re so silly,” Harry laughed.

“We went for a walk on the beach, Harry,” Remus told him. “And then Sirius went grocery shopping while I cleaned up a bit around the house. Sirius made dinner, do you want to guess what he made?”

“Mac and cheese?” Harry gasped. Sirius’ macaroni and cheese was Harry’s favorite and was only reserved for the most special occasions.

“That’s right,” Remus said. “He wanted to make something very special for such an important day.”

“Wow, thanks Padfoot!”

“Well, we’re both very proud of you for starting school,” Sirius said, as they pulled into their driveway. And he was proud. The anxieties that had plagued him were softened after hearing how much fun Harry had. Remus had been right, as usual, but of course, Sirius wasn’t going to tell him that.

They planned Harry’s first playdate for Friday, after school. Disappointingly, Remus had work, but Sirius promised to take lots of pictures to capture the moment.

“That’s really not necessary Sirius,” Remus said, as he got ready to leave. “I just feel bad for you, to be stuck with that Gillian lady all alone. She seems a bit hyper.”

“I’ll be fine Moony,” Sirius rolled his eyes. Sure she seemed a bit intense, but he could certainly manage. “Weren’t you the one telling me I should get out of the house and meet muggles?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Remus shrugged. “I might be home a bit late tonight, it’s Darren’s birthday so the lot of us are going to go for drinks after we close.”

“Have fun,” Sirius waved him off. He was a bit nervous, honestly, but not really because Gillian was an extrovert. He just hadn’t spent a lot of time with other people since he’d taken in Harry. He’d met some of Remus’ coworkers, and a few parents at the swim class he had taken Harry to last summer, but he hadn’t spent a lot of one on one time with anyone besides Harry or Remus over the last few years. 

It was disappointing, almost. Sirius used to be the king of parties at Hogwarts. Even after Hogwarts, he was always the one trying to get the marauders together on the weekends. When Lily got pregnant, Sirius spent months teasing James for becoming a boring old dad, but even when Harry was born Sirius still found time to visit and entertain his friends. Once James died, though, Sirius stopped feeling like there was any reason to socialize. After your best friend was gone, it didn’t really seem worth trying to make any others. And he had Remus, thankfully. There was no better friend than Moony. Really, how many people would abandon their own lives during their twenties to help raise your infant godson? 

If Sirius was concerned about having to make conversation, he needn’t have worried. Gillian could talk more than enough for the two of them. Once Leila had dragged Harry to go see her stuffed animals, Gillian began to tell Sirius her whole life story. 

“I got pregnant way too young,” she was telling him, as she set out a small plate of cheese and crackers to share. “My ex, we had just gotten married, he wasn’t really ready for that sort of responsibility, you know? It was just one of those things where we probably would still be together had things gone differently, but I’m so glad we’re not. Once I saw that he wasn’t able to be a father I just realized I couldn’t deal with someone less mature than I was, you know? So we divorced, and I moved here about a year ago. I’ve always been a city girl, I grew up in London, but I just wanted something quieter. And then I got a job offer at an office in town, so I just figured why not try something new? And Leila’s so young, I want her to have a big backyard to run around in and a town where I’m not worried about her wandering on her own once she gets a bit older. My ex pretended to be furious when he found out I was moving so far, but I think he was secretly relieved he wouldn’t feel obligated to visit all the time. I mean, he loves Leila, he just hates responsibility, you know? But I’ve just fallen in love with the town. And Leila loves the beach.” She paused to take a breath and Sirius smiled politely. “So what about you? Did you say Harry’s your godson? Are you his primary guardian?”

Sirius nodded. “Harry’s parents were my best friends, but they died when he was an infant.”

“Oh you poor thing,” Gillian said, placing a hand on his arm. “And you took him in to raise all by yourself?”

“Well, Remus, he’s my best mate, he moved in with us to help out after Harry’s parents died, and he’s been around since. I don’t know if I could have done it without him, honestly. He’s the one who convinced me to take Harry in, rather than you know, maybe being a bit less productive. He’s the sensible one of the two of us.”

“That’s so important, to have an extra point of view when parenting,” Gillian nodded knowingly. “I call up my mom all the time, to just to run my decisions by her, try to get another perspective on things. But Remus, he’s your friend? Where’d you two meet?”

“Yeah, we met in school, him, Harry’s parents, and I,” Sirius responded. “We’ve been friends since we’re eleven.” Gillian smiled.

“I think I’ve seen him milling about before. Do you live in town?”

“We live a bit outside of it, near the sea, actually. It’s small but it’s peaceful.”

Gillian, seemingly pleased with the amount of information she’d extracted from Sirius, went on to tell him everything about her childhood, all the trials and tribulations with her ex-husband, and a full history of her daughter’s food preferences. By the end of the evening, he knew more about this woman’s life than he ever could have wished.

He was excited to have a laugh with Remus about his night, but Remus wasn’t home when they got back. Sirius put Harry to bed, then waited up, hoping to hear about his night and share his own. He read for a few hours, watched some tv, waiting for Remus to return from his outing with friends. He must have dozed off, however, because when he opened his eyes it was morning, and Remus was asleep in his room.


End file.
